SEXUAL IDENTITY – SEXUAL ORIENTATION
What is Sexual Orientation - Sexual Identity? Sexual orientation refers to one’s attractions/feelings toward women and/or men. Is Sexual Orientation a Choice? There is increasing evidence that sexual orientation has at least some biological basis, and most people report that their sexual orientation is not something they have chosen. Instead, most people, regardless of their sexual orientation, feel that their sexual orientation is something that has always been there as it is. It is normal to question your sexual orientation. Many people do this during their college years, when they are exposed to new people and new experiences. Of course, some people explore their sexual orientation at a younger or older age. |
Who is Lesbian, …or Gay, Bisexual, Transgender? Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people are any age, gender or racial/ethnic group. Of course, cultural and social differences may alter the way a lesbian, gay, or bisexual person manages her/his feelings and identity because these dictate the way others will perceive and react to them. LGBTQ:Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning - What do these terms mean??? Lesbians : Women who are attracted (sexually and/or romantically) to other women. Gay men : Men who are attracted (sexually and/or romantically) to other men. Bisexual : People who are attracted (sexually and/or romantically) to both women and men. Transgender : People whose gender identity or gender expression contrast with traditional social norms and expectations for their physical sex. “Transgender” is an umbrella term that includes various identities (too numerous to list here) such as, pre-operative; post-operative; non-operative transsexuals, who report feeling that they have been born into the wrong physical sex; cross-dressers (traditionally known as transvestites), who wear opposite-sex clothing as a means of expressing their inner cross-gender identity and/or as a method to become sexually aroused; and intersexed individuals (previously known as hermaphrodites), who have both female and male reproductive organs. People who identify as transgender, may or may not be lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Transgenderism has to do with one’s gender identity, as opposed to one’s sexual orientation. LGBT and Q people are often grouped together because these groups are all considered sexual minorities. They each face issues of identity that make them susceptible to homophobia, physical violence, personal rejection, and more, largely because of misinformation, pre judice, and discrimination. The remainder of this fact sheet will not address issues of transgenderism sufficiently. For more information on transgender issues, visit the web site: http://www.youth-guard.org/pflag-t-net/. Questioning: Anyone who is uncertain about their sexual orientation, that is, anyone who is unsure whether they are heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Individuals can also be questioning with regard to a transgender identity. Individuals who are questioning, may or may not engage in experiences with people of both sexes in their process of self-discovery. What is the LGBTQ “lifestyle”? There is as much variation in lifestyle in the LGBTQ population as there is within a heterosexual population. The vast majority of LGBTQ people live as stably and mundanely as their heterosexual counterparts, seeking out long-term relationships and raising families of their own. In essence, there is no single “lifestyle” to which all LGBTQ people subscribe. However, you will often hear people in conversations or reports in the media referring to “the gay lifestyle” as though there were one way that these individuals live their lives, implying that they all share the same values, attitudes, characteristics, goals, and dreams. The media bias also perpetuates a “gay lifestyle” stereotype by focusing on “the extreme fringe” participating in LGBTQ events (e.g., LGBTQ pride parades/marches). There, the media selectively shows more visually interesting or sensational images with their coverage, whereas the vast majority of people at such events are ordinary. An uninformed home viewer could easily assume that all LGBTQ persons are just as flamboyant or provocative. Do LGBTQ people have mental health or emotional problems? Have they suffered sexual abuse? Prior to the 1970’s homosexu ality was defined as a mental disorder. This was in part because researchers at that time used lesbians and gay men who were in therapy as subjects for their studies. Later, studies included lesbians and gay men who were not in therapy. This more inclusive research has indicated that homosexu ality, when considered alone, is not associated with emotional or social problems. Other studies reveal that adult gays and lesbians are no more likely to have been molested or otherwise sexually abused in childhood than were heterosexuals. Homosexu ality was declassified as a mental disorder by the American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Association in the early 1970’s. Since that time, these organizations as well as others (American Medical Association, American Nurses Association, and National Association of School Psychologists) have worked to educate others that a homosexual orientation is not a sickness, emotional problem, or mental disorder. Sexual Orientation Pre judice Sexual orientation pre judice includes all negative attitudes toward someone based on their sexual orientation (sometimes, people use the terms ‘homophobia’ and/or ‘heterosexism’ to mean the same thing). Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people face tremendous pre judice on a daily basis, from people assuming that they are heterosexual, to slurs, to physical violence. Discrimination also occurs on a societal level. For example, in Cincinnati it is legal to fire or evict someone based on their sexual orientation, and it is illegal for lesbian, gay, and bisexual people to marry their same-sex partners. (For more information and resources for combating discrimination, see the end of this pamphlet.) Coming Out …or Staying In? - What does “coming out” mean? What should LGBTQ people consider before coming out? “Coming out” is the process by which a person acknowledges that they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning. Usually, this begins as an acknowledgement to themselves and later to others. It is a continual process that individuals who are LGBTQ might experience to some degree throughout their lives. For example, they may initially come out to family, friends or co-workers, but if, for example, they move to a new job or to another city they might have to repeat the coming out process with their new friends and co-workers. Coming out to another person can often be anxiety-producing, because one is never certain whether they will be rejected for their sexual orientation. Sexual orientation pre judice contributes to this stress and confusion as lesbian, gay, and bisexual people come to terms with their identities. All lesbian, gay, and bisexual people must eventually decide whether and how to acknowledge their sexual orientation to themselves and to others. This is a difficult decision and process with many possible routes and outcomes. For example, one can be aware of being gay, but choose to spend considerable energy suppressing the knowledge, …or, one may come to terms with being a lesbian, but reveal it only to other gay, lesbian or bisexual people, …or, "come out" to some friends, but not family or employer, etc. While it is easy to state that we have no choice except to "be ourselves," this is not easy for the bisexual, gay or lesbian. Individuals often experience much confusion about whether or not their feelings are genuine or healthy, as well as an awareness that these feelings imply an "unacceptable difference." Many attempt to live a "more acceptable" (heterosexual) life… or, at least create the appearance of heterosexu ality. But, as the person feels more accepting of her/his identity, s/he often begins to seek support from other lesbian, gay, bisexual people as well as from some supportive heterosexuals in her/his life. Hopefully, the individual will begin to feel a growing pride about her/his identity and begin to integrate it into her/his lifestyle and total identity. In some instances, coming out can put an LGBTQ person in physical danger or even cause their families to disown them. Therefore, it is very important for an LGBTQ person to “test the waters” before coming out to people in her or his life. Ideally, finding one or two friends who are accepting and supportive can lessen negative effects of future potentially rejecting family or friends. More importantly, an LGBTQ person should make her or his own decision about when and how to come out, and not feel pressured to do it in a particular way. Each person’s life-situation is different. There is no perfect formula for "coming out" that will work for everyone. Why do LGBTQ people “come out”? LGBTQ people who are “in the closet” or not “out” to anyone often describe feeling as though they are living a lie. Imagine being in the lunchroom at work when your co-workers are talking about all the fun they had during the weekend and with whom. Imagine not being able to share with your co-workers the things that you did with your significant other. Instead, you remain quiet and hope no one notices. It has been said that LGBTQ people must sometimes develop elaborate coping strategies on par with international spies. That is, people “in the closet” must exert an enormous amount of energy maintaining their privacy. For example, a lesbian who is “in the closet,” might be asked if she is dating anyone, and if so, to share how her weekend date went. The lesbian might replace “she” with “he” in conversations so that no one will suspect that she is dating another woman, or she might avoid accidentally disclosing her date’s name by creating a pseudonym. Further, she might change or omit club names where they might have gone to dance, if it is widely known to be a lesbian establishment. Sometimes LGBTQ people who are “out” only to a few people, fear running into others at an LGBTQ social event or nightclub. As you can see, keeping quiet about one’s sexual orientation can cause a great deal of stress and take up a lot of energy. The hope for LGBTQ persons in “coming out” is often to free oneself of this stress. Coming out has also been found to be related to the psychological adjustment of LGBTQ people. Specifically, a healthy and positive gay/lesbian identity has been shown to be highly correlated with better overall mental health and higher self-esteem. Whereas a closeted individual may feel that they are drifting further and further apart from their family members or close friends because they are unable to share this important aspect of their lives, for many, coming out is a way for them to close the ever-widening gaps in their relationships. These individuals report that their coming out helps them live with integrity and feel closer to the people around them. Additionally, coming out is a way of reducing anxiety and removing shame that is often closely tied to the secrecy. Things to consider before coming out ?
How might family members or close friends initially react to my coming out to them? It is not uncommon for people to initially respond with denial. They might try to convince you that this is just a phase that you will outgrow. They might blame it on your peers’ influences. They might seek out a counselor to “fix” you. Parents might say that they feel as though they caused your sexual identity by doing something “wrong” in their parenting. They might fear that you will contract, or may have already contracted, a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., AIDS). After their initial shock subsides, they might begin to ask you questions in an effort to understand your feelings. Remember, your family and friends have been exposed to many stereotypes and myths about LGBTQ people throughout their lives and they might need for you to educate them more fully. Remember how long it took you to come to terms with your sexual orientation and know that it may take them equally as long. Be patient during this process. What is homophobia? Homophobia is an irrational fear of homosexuality, usually coupled with a hatred of LGBTQ persons. This fear or hatred is often expressed as negative attitudes, discrimination, stereotyping, or other actions against LGBTQ persons. Homophobia is fueled by ignorance about LGBTQ issues, generational pre judice, jokes that reinforce stereotypes and myths, and an absence of positive LGBTQ images available in mainstream media and society. Educating the public is made more difficult by some religious institutions’ support of highly publicized attacks on LGBTQ persons. For example, the Reverend Jerry Falwell and Reverend Pat Robertson publicly blamed LGBTQ persons in part for the September 11 th terrorism attacks. This kind of slanderous inaccuracy can lead to “gay-bashing” or physical violence against LGBTQ persons that is indirectly sanctioned by these institutions. Although the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard in Wyoming became a national wake-up call to this problem, hundreds of other cases of gay-bashing (threats and violence) do not get media coverage. Many victims do not report their assailants because they fear even more severe ret aliation. What is internalized homophobia? Like their heterosexual counterparts, LGBTQ people are part of a society that is not adequately educated. It is not uncommon for those LGBTQ persons to believe and retain misinformation, stereotypes, or myths about people of their own sexual orientation. Those messages often contribute to the development of very negative self-images, identities, or low self-esteems. They may believe that their sexual orientation is “sick” or morally wrong. They worry that they will disappoint or embarrass their family or friends because they are LGBTQ. Negative self-concepts and low self-esteem can lead some people to engage in self-destructive behaviors such as abusing alcohol and/or drugs. Researchers tell us that compared to heterosexual teens, LGBTQ teens are at higher risk for the serious problems of drug/alcohol abuse, suicide, and running away from home. Heterosexuals With Homosexual Friends Lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people endure a great deal of stigma from society. Because of this, it is very frightening to reveal your sexual orientation to another person. Many people choose to risk telling friends and family members, despite their fear, because they hope to have honest relationships with their loved ones. If a friend has the courage to tell you something so important and personal, they are hoping for your support rather than criticism. The individual may be feeling depressed, stressed, or anxious due to the enormity of their worries and feelings. They are worried that others will react negatively. It is critical to remember that when a person identifies her/himself as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, s/he is the same person s/he always was and needs the support and friendship that all humans require. Some final thoughts on “coming out.” There are many risks when coming out that could result in personal rejection, family discord, joblessness, or threats to personal safety. However, for thousands of LGBTQ people, coming out to selected family, friends, or co-workers has been a positive experience. Many report that they would never want to return to living in secrecy. These people often experience great relief when they are met with acceptance from family, friends, and co-workers. If someone has “come out” to you, it is a gift of sorts. The LGBTQ person likely has been influenced by something you have said or done, that indicated to them that you are safe to tell this secret. Be honored by the trust that they have extended to you. Can therapy help a lesbian, gay, or bisexual person to be heterosexual? “Conversion Therapy,” also known as “Reparative Therapy,” refers to counseling intended to make an LGBTQ person heterosexual. These therapies include a variety of techniques. Some conversion therapies subject their clients to electric shocks or drugs that induce vomiting and nausea in an effort to alter their sexual orientation. More commonly, religious-based talk therapy is utilized. Many conservative Christian therapists and ministries promote these therapies as safe and effective, although their evidence is anecdotally-based. These therapies have never been presented in a peer-reviewed journal. LGBTQ people who seek out conversion therapy often report that their motivation is to preserve connections with their families, friends, and religious institutions that would otherwise reject them for their sexual orientation. The American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association, and many other professional organizations, which together represent nearly a half million health and mental health professionals, have issued public statements denouncing reparative therapy, saying it can actually be harmful, provoke guilt and anxiety, reinforce self-hatred, and cause other serious harm to the individual. How can counseling help? Individual and group counseling offer confidential and safe places to talk about personal concerns in an accepting and nonjudgmental environment. Counseling can also help people become more comfortable telling their family or friends about their sexual orientations. Counseling can provide support if family or friends are rejecting. It can also help people integrate their gay and religious identities, or help them sort out spiritu ality issues. For those LGBTQ people who are having difficulty with self-acceptance, intern alized homophobia, depression, anxiety, self-esteem, or other psychological difficulties, counseling can also address these issues. |
Some places to turn for information and assistance... Organizations - Web Sites: 1. The U.C. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Alliance ( Student Organizations and Activities approved student group.) Phone: 556-1449. 2. UC Womens Center Website: LGBTQ Space. Links related to religion, people of color, women, men, bisexual, health/fitness, activism, allies, etc. Also, course listings with LGBT content, description of LGBTQ programming coordinator services, and links to campus groups/resources. http://www.ucwc.uc.edu/LGBTQ/ . Phone: 556-6261. 3. PFLAG : Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Organization main website: www.pflag.org Local PFLAG organization: P.O. Box 19634 Cincinnati, OH 45219-0634 Helpline: (513) 721-7900 Phoneline: (513) 755-6150 pflagcinci@yahoo.com 4. Cincinnati Youth Group (CYG) www.cygteens.org (513) 684-8405 5. Gay and Lesbian Community Centerwww.glbtcentercincinnati.com (513) 591-0200 6. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force 2320 17 th St., NW Suite 500 Washington , D.C. 20009 www.ngltf.org 7. Out Proud, The National Co alition for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Youth www.outproud.org 8. Human Rights Campaign National Coming Out Project 9. Gay Switchboard: an automated resource line. They list 8 categories of organizations (such as religious organizations, restaurants and bars, youth groups, etc.) and by selecting your category, you get a list of organizations and their contact information. 591-0222. 10. Stonewall Cincinnati: human rights and social justice organization, 651-2500. 11. A Straight Person’s Guide to Gay Etiquette: A description of potential ‘coming out’ scenarios, and appropriate and supportive possible responses. http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html 12. The U.C. Human Sexuality Class Web Site 13. Click Here to go to an excellent collection of articles from APA. Books: “Coming Out: An Act of Love” Robert Eichberg (Plume). “Now That You Know: What Every Parent Should Know About Homosexu ality” Betty Fairchild & Nancy Hayward (HBJ). “One More River To Cross: Black and Gay in America” Keith Boykin (Anchor Books). “Passages of Pride: Lesbian and Gay Youth Come of Age” Kurt Chandler (Alyson Press). “Transgender Warriors: Making History From Joan of Arc to Dennis” Leslie Feinberg (Leslie Beacon Press). “Gay Men and Women Who Enriched the World” Thomas Cowan (William Mulvey, Inc., New Canaan, Conn., 1988). Videos: It’s Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues In School(Produced by Debra Chasnoff and Helen Cohen) Available through Women’s Educational Media: www.womedia.org (415) 641-4616 or possibly at your local public or university library. On Being Gay: A Conversation With Brian McNaught Focus International, Inc. (80 Min.) What Sex Am I? MPI Home Video (Narrated & Directed by Lee Grant) Other resources used in developing this fact sheet: Resource Guide to Coming Out. Pamphlet produced by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. Psychology and You: Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexu ality. Pamphlet written by Stephen J. Blommer and produced by the American Psychological Association’s Office of Public Affairs. Being Gay/Lesbian. Pamphlet written by Marcia Quackenbush and produced by ETR Associates www.etr.org. Be Yourself: Questions and Answers for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Youth. Produced by Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). This brochure is available from their website www.pflag.org. |
Your Counseling Service:Timely, confidential, and professional assistance is available at the UniversityPsychological Services Center(8:00am – 5:00pm, M-F) for UC students located at 316 Dyer Hall. Phone (513-556-0648) or stop in for a no-charge screening interview. |
This fact sheet is provided as a service by the University of Cincinnati Psychological Services Center and the Office of Student Affairs and Services. It was prepared by Dr. Steven Nichols, Julie Murphy and the professional staff of the Psychological Services Center. |
