The Best Return on Your Investments:
Loving Advice from Ben Stein to the Class of 2002

The Class of 2002 at the University of Cincinnati learned "How To Ruin Your Life," from comedian, author and attorney Ben Stein who then turned the tables and provided advice he wished he'd been given as a graduate years ago.

The entertainer and host of "Win Ben Stein's Money" warmed up the All-University Commencement audience with a brief poem about graduating from UC and a joke poking fun of arch-rival Xavier University. But before his 20-minute speech ended, the jokes were set aside and it was time to get serious. He started by recognizing the Lindner family for their unsurpassed community service and philanthropy.

Stein told the graduates to be grateful for those in military service who have risked their lives for generations to protect our precious freedoms. Then he offered a litany of advice for a truly successful and rewarding life. "Fall in love," Stein advised. "So many young people are too scared to fall in love. Don't be afraid to fall in love."

"Do work you love. You'll be more productive. Stay supple in your career. If you hate it, quit and go on to the next thing. I was so blessed that I was open to change."

The advice continued to pour out from the father who readily admitted the struggles of raising a teenage song.

"Don't steal, no matter what." "Good manners are a rule, the essence of nobility." "Stop and enjoy the stars and the sunsets." "Develop habits of thrift. Start saving today."

Finally, Stein talked about money and return on investments. He told the graduates to be less concerned with the stock market which is difficult to predict and more concerned about making the right kind of emotional investments.

"Devote time to those you love. I get a great return on those investments. I know exactly what my return will be -- tax-free and lasting."

Stein lovingly recalled the attention he paid to his parents in the months and years before they died. "My father died while I was holding his hand," said Stein, explaining how a letter his father wrote to him in his dying days is "the most valuable thing I own."

The All-University Commencement crowd included about 9,000 graduates and their guests. The student orator was Mike Hoff, and College-Conservatory of Music graduate Josh Kohl sang the national anthem and alma mater.

Honorary degrees were awarded to Mr. Stein, Richard E. Lindner, Webster Cavanee, Michael Barrett, and Joel Wyler.



Professor and former Provost Norman Baker received a UC Award of Excellence for his support of the Honors-PLUS business program. Hans Hachmann received the same award for his support of the UC German-American Studies Program.

Watch the webcast of Ben Stein's address.