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B>January 2000
After a holiday hiatus, the University of Cincinnati's e-briefs are
back...looking ahead to February and Valentine's Day. Valentine's
Day will be celebrated in the U.S. on Feb. 14 and though other
countries and cultures don't necessarily mark the day, all have
their own codes and customs when it comes to finding the perfect
match, according to University of Cincinnati faculty and staff.
What constitutes an ideal partner depends on where (or when) you
live.
1. The Mating Game: It's All Over the Map
A. India: Only homely women need reply
B: More on India: "No-date" courtship
C. Zambian perspective: Not love at first sight
D. Cameroon: Family matters matter
E. Japan: Background, compatibility count
F. Hong Kong: Almost like U.S.A.
G. Forget the roses: Send Slovenians a red
carnation
2. The Good "Catch:" Times Have Changed (Or Have They?)
A: The "good" wife in antiquity: Graceful, pious,
chaste...good with wool
B. 15th century England: A-swooning over black hair
C. Colonial America: Common ground
A. INDIA: ONLY HOMELY WOMEN NEED REPLY
Barbara Ramusack, UC professor of history and co-author of the book
"Women in Asia," said Indian women want to look up to their
husbands, literally. Women seek height in a husband while men seek
a fair-skinned wife. "A fair complexion is very important. If an
ad describes a woman as wheat-complected that means she is darker
than generally desirable. The fairer the better." The ads for men
almost always list height. "It's important in the U.S., but it is
even more important there," added Ramusack who uses marriage ads
from Indian newspapers to teach about cultural differences.
Surprisingly, one characteristic that is attractive in a woman in
India is "homely." The word appears frequently in marriage ads.
However, it does not refer to a woman's appearance. It refers to
her skills in managing a household. contact: 513-556-2140
B. MORE ON INDIA: 'DATE-FREE' COURTING
Native of Hyderabad, India, Niraj Dangoria, director of campus
planning, refers to his native country as "a big stew where it's
all changing slowly" when it comes to love and marriage. For
instance, Dangoria's parents broke with tradition when they met in
graduate school in the United States and later married in the early
1960s after moving back to India. "For 70 percent of the people in
India, the concept of dating doesn't exist. Dating only happens
in urban, more Westernized areas and is very often dictated by the
socio-economic status of individuals. Through family-arranged
meetings, a boy or girl might meet six to eight suitable potential
partners. They are free to do so until they find someone who they
feel is compatible. Then, they are engaged and spend time together
before marriage. People also do select their own spouses more and
more without formal family guidance..." contact:
513-556-1933
C. A ZAMBIAN PERSPECTIVE: NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
John Kalubi, a native of Zambia and a UC adjunct assistant
professor who teaches Swahili, explains that love at first sight
may typify romantic notions here but is not the mindset in many
parts of Africa. There is a Swahili saying that means pretty much
the opposite: "Mwili si mali," or 'the richness of someone is not
determined by the body.' The first meeting is not so crucial.
Stability and dependability are valued, and more time is given to
deciding on a marriage partner. Though the initial choice to marry
may be made by the couple, parents also have a role in the
decision. "A wedding is a social contract, not a love affair."
contact: 513-556-4232
D. CAMEROON: FAMILY MATTERS MATTER
Cameroon native Joseph Takougang, associate professor of African
history, explains that marital prospects may hinge on your
sibling's actions or those of your parents. Traditional Africans
tend to look at family of origin when looking for prospective
mates. "Traditionally, a man will look for a submissive woman, who
will perform the traditional role of keeping the home and raising
the children. So a prospective husband will tend to look at the
family background of a prospective mate: Was her mother lazy,
obedient, hard-working? If that woman had a sister who is married,
a man may look at how she has fared in her husband's household."
The same goes for a women looking for the perfect husband. 'Like
father like son' is the view in Africa as well. Takougang adds
that the extra scrutiny has its benefits, leading to low divorces.
"It has contributed to African marriages lasting forever," he said.
contact: 513-556-0355
E. JAPAN: BACKGROUND, COMPATIBILITY COUNT
Elizabeth Sato, associate director of the Institute for Global
Studies and Affairs at UC, says that physical attributes are
de-emphasized in favor of "having similar backgrounds, being
compatible people." If any physical characteristics are touted in
marriage ads, they are "big eyes" and the "aristocratic higher
nose." A good husband is a college graduate of good family
background who also has a good job. contact: 513-556-2240
F: HONG KONG: ALMOST LIKE U.S.
Hong Kong native Susanna Tong, UC associate professor of geography,
said most Americans would feel at home in Hong Kong's dating and
match-making scene. "We do celebrate Valentine's Day there. Hong
Kong is very westernized." Arranged marriages disappeared about
two generations ago, except perhaps in agricultural communities.
Now, most mates are found at church, school or work and the
attributes most sought after are similar to those in the west.
contact: 513-556-3435
G. FORGET THE ROSES: SEND SLOVENIANS A RED CARNATION
Slovene-American Chris Curran, a lifelong member of the Slovenian
National Benefit Society and UC's assistant director of public
relations, reports that the romantic flower of choice in Slovenia
is the national flower, the red carnation. The carnation plays a
critical role during the unveiling ceremony of a traditional
Slovenian wedding, according to Curran who followed the traditions
in her own wedding. The maid of honor removes the bride's veil and
hands it to the bride's mother. In its place, she pins a red
carnation in the bride's hair. The ceremony celebrates the joining
of the two families, and as guests sing two traditional Slovenian
songs, the bride and groom hug and greet their new family members.
contact: 513-556-1806
2. THE GOOD "CATCH:" TIMES HAVE CHANGED OR HAVE THEY?
A: THE "GOOD" WIFE IN ANTIQUITY: GRACEFUL, PIOUS, CHASTE...GOOD
WITH WOOL
Holt Parker, UC associate professor of classics who specializes in
the ancient history of gender and sexuality, selected the following
texts as typical of Western antiquity, showing just how much (or
how little) has changed since the days of the ancient Greeks and
Romans. Little writing from the female perspective survives, so
the attributes of the ideal husband are hard to ascertain, he
said. At the same time, scholars assume that woman really didn't
have much sway in the selection of their marriage partners.
From a 2nd century B.C. tombstone inscription:
"...This tomb, which is not fair, is for a fair woman...She loved
her husband in her heart. She bore two sons, one of whom she left
on earth, the other beneath it. She was pleasant to talk with, and
she walked with grace. She kept the house and worked in
wool...."
From 1st century Roman tombstone: "Here lies Amymone, wife of
Marcus, best and most beautiful, worker in wool, pious, chaste,
thrifty, faithful, a stayer-at-home."
Plutarch's 2nd century A.D. advice on marriage urged husbands
to be understanding and faithful, but makes clear that the wife
should defer to her husband. He also states that a wife should be
a good housekeeper and not too interested in sex. "A young
Spartan girl was once asked whether she had yet started making
advances to her husband. She replied: 'I don't to him; he does to
me.' This, I think, is how a married woman ought to behave -- not
to shrink away or object when her husband starts to make love, but
not herself to be the one to start either. In the one case she is
being over-eager like a prostitute, in the other she is being cold
and lacking in affection." Plutarch also stated that a wife
shouldn't have her own friends: "A wife ought not to make friends
of her own, but to enjoy her husband's friends together with him."
contact Holt Parker at 513-556-1944
B. 15TH CENTURY ENGLAND: SWOONING OVER BLACK HAIR
Howard Todd, adjunct history professor, says that blondes didn't
always have fun, historically speaking. In 15th century England,
women with dark, glossy, black hair were the most preferred. And
red-heads were at risk for being thought of as witches. Bearing
children was of such importance that wider hips were in vogue.
Men also sought women from large families, another sign that
successful reproduction was in the gene pool. And because of
common illnesses such as smallpox, clear, unblemished skin was
prized.
Women did not have much of a say in marriage, but men with a
proper position, title, wealth and connections with the court were
the ideal mates. It was a bonus if they were relatively young,
had hair, were not overweight and bathed on a fairly regular basis.
Howard says men took great pride in the shape of their legs. In
fact, King Henry VIII continually argued over whether his legs
looked better than those of Francis I of France. contact:
513-556-0702
C. COLONIAL AMERICA: COMMON GROUND
Looking back on the dating and mating rituals of colonial America,
men and women were looking for qualities they had in common with
each other, including social standing, religion, ethnicity and
locale. UC adjunct associate professor of history Terri Premo says
couples also wanted the blessings of their parents before they said
'I do.' Premarital pregnancies were on the rise toward the end of
the colonial period, and that trend continued into the days of the
early republic. Weddings were simple affairs with the new bride
sometimes living with her parents for weeks or even months after
her wedding. contact: 513-556-6612
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