A. Say it with flowers
B. Spend time, not money
1. Motherhood: Then and Now
A. FINDING TIME FOR THE KIDS
Research by a University of Maryland demographer shows employment
of mothers outside the home has not decreased the time they spend
with their children. Suzanne Bianchi, sociology professor and
president of the Population Association of America (PAA), finds
mothers' employment has few negative effects on time with
children. Bianchi offers four explanations:
1. The time that stay-at-home moms of the past spent
with their children is often overestimated.
2. As mothers move into the labor force, they make
adjustments such as doing less housework, getting less sleep,
enjoying fewer hours of leisure...all in order to spend time with
children.
3. Children's lives have changed. They are spending more
time away from home at earlier ages (involved in preschool, camps
and other activities).
4. Because more women work, the domestic role of men is
changing. Men spend more time with their children than fathers of
previous generations.
Bianchi's data shows that mothers spent an average of 5.6
waking hours per day with their children in 1965 and 5.8 hours in
1998. She attributed this to two factors: mothers today are
better educated than their predecessors, and more highly educated
women tend to spend more time interacting with their children.
Also, there are fewer children per family so mothers are probably
spending more personal time with each child. contact: To reach
Bianchi, call Jean Reuter, University of Maryland at College Park
communications, 301-405-4622.
B. WHERE'S THE SLEEP?
David J. Maume, Jr., director of the Kunz Center for the Study of
Work & Family at UC, says working mothers may indeed be stealing
time from sleep, leisure and housework to spend more time with
their children. According to the 1999 Survey of Ohio's Working
Families the Kunz Center conducted, employed mothers reported
they were more sleep deprived, getting less than six hours of
sleep per night.
Working fathers and stay-at-home mothers more often reported
that they obtained six or more hours of sleep per night. Seven
percent of employed fathers reported they were sleep-deprived
compared to 12 percent of working moms and 5 percent of at-home
mothers.
Regarding leisure time, fewer working mothers (34 percent)
reported exercising regularly compared with employed fathers (48
percent) and at-home mothers (43 percent). When it came to
household chores, employed mothers reported doing 72 percent of
the housework, while at-home moms reported they did 86 percent of
the housework and employed fathers reported they performed only
28 percent.
"These figures show a contrast that is line with the study by
Suzanne Bianchi," he said. (See Bianchi study above). The Survey
of Ohio's Working Families questioned 400 parents in Ohio who had
children at home. contact: 513-556-4713
2. The Image of Motherhood
A. POPULAR CULTURE VS. PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
UC language arts professor Billie Dziech says mothers have been
negatively portrayed in recent novels and films like the
Oscar-winning "American Beauty." Said Dziech, "I've seen mothers
portrayed as being in competition with their daughters and as
being materialistic and emotionally abusive."
Dziech disagrees with these popular culture stereotypes
because of her own experiences: "Because of the way she (her own
mother) mothered me, I never found motherhood to be some sort of
difficult challenge. Nothing has ever given me as much joy as
parenting. It's the most normal, happy thing in the whole world
and I think that joy is conveyed to our children, because
they enjoy spending time with us." contact:
513-556-1707
B. A SINGLE MOM'S VIEW
Single mother Chris Bobel, director of UC's Women's Center,
defines motherhood in America today as "paradoxical." "We both
champion, yet diminish motherhood. We celebrate, then denigrate
it. Our culture is not very sensitive to mothers. We are
hypocritical. We celebrate motherhood and family life, but we
don't support that with practice. We force people to divide
their lives -- they are either at work or at home, not both."
contact: 513-556-3279
C. THE STIGMA OF SINGLE PARENTING
Single mother Amethyst Tymoch, 23, a full-time student in UC's
prestigious College-Conservatory of Music, resents the
assumptions (of poverty, more prone to crime, etc.) society
places on her son, Cazmier, 3. "People are still looking at
single mothers and stereotypes rather than the person. I wish
people would let go of the stigmas, not for my sake, but for my
son's sake. To my child, the situation we have is functional
until somebody else starts to question it." contact:
513-556-9409
3. Motherhood's Many Faces
A. A HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE
UC adjunct history professor Terry Premo points out that working
and motherhood were frequently combined in early America.
African-American women have combined work and motherhood from the
time their ancestors were first brought to the United States.
Although white women held the role as homemaker and primary
caretaker of the children in the year 1900, they were the
dedicated leaders of reform.
In fact, they achieved reform by embracing the symbol of
"mother" and christened their groups and organizations with names
that reflected that powerful symbolism. They successfully
accomplished positive reforms in society because of their skills
as mothers. "By the turn of the last century, motherhood was a
highly exalted profession, often described as requiring special
training and expertise," Premo said. "Mothers felt responsible
for every phase of a child's development and being a 'successful'
mother required diligent effort from cradle to launching."
contact: 513-556-6612
B. MORE GAY AND LESBIAN PARENTING
Deborah Meem, professor of English and women's studies, says
parenting by same-sex couples is becoming more visible, a result
of the gay pride movement as well as the positive portrayal of
gays and lesbians on popular television. Because of artificial
insemination, lesbian couples and single women can choose to
become mothers. However, for a lesbian couple raising children,
Meem says the sperm donor actually has more rights than the
partner who did not physically give birth.
"In these cases, and in cases of same-sex couples who adopt
children, the child cannot legally have more than one mother or
father. If the biological mother wishes for her partner to be
called the parent in the eyes of the law, then she has to give up
custody of the child to her partner."
Meem says some states are gradually beginning to change laws
that pertain to this issue, but for the most part, she says the
laws are still problematical for gay and lesbian parents.
contact: 513-556-1793
C. MOMS BAND TOGETHER
Working mothers, stay-at-home moms, single moms and mothers from
other nations have found camaraderie in a group for mothers
founded at UC under the auspices of the UC Women's Center. As
many as 20 mothers who are UC faculty/staff, UC students or
spouses of UC faculty/staff and students gather for meetings on
the second and fourth Mondays of each month at 6:30 p.m. in
Scioto Hall Lounge. Babysitters watch kids as the mothers talk
about subjects ranging from playtime for their kids to where to
find good babysitters.
"What strikes me about this group is that there is none of
that competitiveness that I sometimes see. When I take my son to
gymnastics class, there is an edge -- a sort of 'my son is better
than your son attitude.' But this group has been reassuring. We
reach out to each other and offer to help each other. We do lots
of things together," said Amethyst Tymoch, a founding member of
the group.
Adds Michelle Honaker, another founder: "All we are is moms
trying to do the best we can. It's like a refuge for us." In
between meetings, the mothers also meet for family-friendly
video-watching, playtime and outings. contact:
513-556-3279
D. BE THE BEST MOTHER BY BEING YOURSELF FIRST
Development psychologist Patricia O'Reilly, professor of
education: "My feeling as a feminist and a developmentalist is
that every woman is a mother. Whether they have borne children or
not, every woman is expected to take care of other people."
O'Reilly says that once a woman assumes the role of mother,
she has no other identity. She points to husbands who sometimes
call their wives 'mother.' O'Reilly warns that no matter how
hard she tries, a woman labeled 'mother' simply can't meet all of
the expectations of the people who depend on her.
"Women have to know who they are in order to be the best kind
of mother. They have to see themselves as a person, even when
this mantle of mother is upon them. You have the right to be
your own person and to realize within the label as 'mother' that
you are still entitled to be who you are -- not completely at the
mercy of these other people who are dependent on you." contact:
513-556-3614
4. Bringing Up Baby
A. DISCIPLINE: DEALING WITH THE SPILLED MILK
Sarah Allen, assistant professor of school psychology, says that
discipline has evolved from the simplistic "Spare the rod, spoil
the child" ethos. "The research shows that spanking is not
effective. A more balanced approach...is better. Children need
unconditional love and a lot of positive support. However,
children also need rules and reasonable limits. By setting clear
expectations and consistently enforcing rules, parents can help
children learn important skills."
Allen says parents should use strategies that reinforce
appropriate behavior and apply logical consequences for
inappropriate acts. For instance, if a child spills his or her
milk, the child should help clean it up. contact:
513-556-3339
B. PUT A BRAKE ON ACTIVITES
Michael Malone, associate professor of early childhood and
special education, says that parents' good intentions to provide
a rich array of activites for children may not be so good for the
kids. "Organized sports and lessons are great for children to a
point and within reason. However, too many activities can
actually do more harm than good. It's important for children to
have downtime to play freely, to explore and not to be programmed
in everything they do. Through free play, children learn about
and master important life skills." contact: 513-556-3833
C. READING WORKS
Sally Moomaw, early childhood specialist at the University of
Cincinnati's nationally recognized Arlitt Child and Family
Research and Education Center, says toddlers need to hear the
sound of book language. "Book language has a different sound than
the spoken word. When children begin hearing nursery rhymes, for
example, they begin to play with the language themselves and
that plays a major factor in literacy development." contact:
513-556-3814
5. Mother's Day Gifts
A. SAY IT WITH FLOWERS
Tom Smith, coordinator of UC's horticulture program, suggests
surprising Mom with some of the new annuals. "One of the things
people ought to look at is a group called 'Proven Winners.'
There's the European Tapien and Verbena. Also, look at the New
Wave series, like the Purple Wave. One plant can grow up to six
feet in diameter."
Another Verbena is the 'Homestead Purple.' which again covers
the ground in a nonstop blooming purplish color. There are new
varieties of impatiens, and new begonias and petunias that
are "just unbelievable." There's also a new selection of lantana
called 'New Gold.' The drier and hotter it is, the better this
plant performs, and you'll see hundreds of yellow blossoms. Smith
adds that to complete the package, you should also offer to plant
Mom's new gift. contact: 513-853-6821
B. SPEND TIME, NOT MONEY
Donna Burns, director of UC's Community Outreach Programs, has a
family tradition. "My son picks out the plants for the planter on
our deck, and all of us choose what goes in the flower beds. My
husband and son help choose the plants and help load them up to
haul them home, then all of us plant them together. The best part
of my Mother's Day is spending time with my family and doing
things together." contact: 513-556-9197
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