Emotional And Verbal Abuse
What is emotional abuse?
Although much information has been written and discussed about physical and sexual abuse as well as domestic violence, less information is available regarding emotional abuse. At this point, there is no universally accepted definition of emotional/verbal abuse. Similar to other forms of relationship abuse, emotional and/or verbal abuse is based on power and control. It is commonly referred to as a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with one’s positive emotional development and over time, can lead to significant detriment to one’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. It has been further described as an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of emotional abuse is the abuser’s low regard for him/her self. As the abuser may fear not being “good enough” and/or meeting other’s expectations, he/she may attempt to make their victim feel and believe similar things about him/her self. The following are some of the most recognized types of emotional abuse:
Rejecting – experiences in which an individual’s presence, value, or worth is not acknowledged/recognized by another individual; communication to another individual that they are worthless and/or inferior to others; devaluing one’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc.
Isolating – this can range from the extreme of physical confinement of another individual to lesser forms of isolation, including limiting one’s freedom within their environment and/or restricting normal contact with others.
Degrading – identified as behavior which negatively impacts the identity, self-worth, and dignity of another person; this may involve name calling, ridicule, insults, intimidation, and condescending commentary.
Exploiting/Corrupting – exploitation of another person for one’s own advantage or profit; socializing another individual to accept ideas, behavior, etc. that opposes legal standards and/or crosses personal boundaries.
Terrorizing – ongoing threatening behavior/commentary towards another individual such that intense terror or fear is induced; may involve elements of coercion by intimidation
Denying Emotional Responsiveness – occurs when an individual fails to provide care/concern in a sensitive and responsive manner to their significant other; this may occur when an individual interacts only when necessary, is uninvolved and detached, and ignores another person’s emotional and/or physical needs
IMPORTANT FACTS TO CONSIDER:
- Emotional abuse often accompanies other forms of abuse, such as physical and sexual abuse, but can also occur on its own.
- Similar to other forms of violence in relationships, individuals who hold the least power and resources in society (i.e. children and women) are most often emotionally abused.
- Although emotional abuse is much more difficult to identify due to the lack of outward signs, this type of abuse has the potential to leave behind many significant hidden scars for the victim.
- Many individuals in physically abusive relationships feel that emotional abuse is more severe and debilitating than physical abuse.
- It is relevant to note that individuals who have experienced elements of abuse in their childhood may be at stronger risk for entering similarly abusive relationships in later life.
- Outcomes of emotional abuse may be manifested in a number of ways, including poor self-esteem, social withdrawal, insecurity, fearfulness/anxiety, destructive behavior, substance abuse, unstable work history, and difficulty forming positive attachments with others.
- It is important to note that all negative attitudes and/or actions do not fall under the category of emotional abuse. As noted by Dr. Garbarino of the Family Life Development Center at Cornell University, such actions are considered truly harmful when there exists a “chronic pattern that erodes and corrodes” the victim.
How Common Is Emotional/Verbal Abuse?
- Approximately 1/3 of women in one study had experienced emotional abuse in their youth; 39% reported experiences of verbal/emotional abuse in a relationship within the last 5 years.
- Among a college based sample of male students, approximately 80% reported a history of having been psychologically abusive towards a female partner.
- When considering adults and seniors, emotional abuse is the most prevalently reported form of abuse.
Possible Indicators of Emotional Abuse/Neglect:
Though emotional abuse is difficult to detect, a number of indicators have been linked to the experience of such abuse. Personal awareness and understanding remains the key issue in recognizing it. The following are indicators to consider in an individual that may be experiencing emotional abuse: depression, withdrawal, severe anxiety, low self-esteem, feelings of shame and guilt, avoidance of eye contact, fearfulness, social isolation, self-deprecation, tendency to be overly passive/compliant, history of self-harm and/or substance abuse, and discomfort or increased tension when near the potential perpetrator of the abuse (i.e. caregiver, relative, partner, etc.)
What can be done if you are the victim of emotional abuse?
Remember:
- You are not alone
- It is not your fault
- Help is available
- No one ever deserves to be abused/mistreated
What if you suspect someone you care about is being emotionally abused?
- Listen
- Believe
- Offer support
- Inform the person about available support services
- Report suspected or known child abuse or neglect to a child welfare agency and/or the police
Suggested Resources:
- National Council on Child Abuse and Family Violence (1-800-222-2000)
- National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (1-800-537-2238)
- National Women’s Resource Center (1-800-354-8824)
- National Clearinghouse on Family Violence (1-800-267-1291)
Additional online resources:
Readings to consider:
- Patricia Evans’ The Verbally Abusive Relationship
- Ginny Nicarthy’s Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life
- Scott Wetzler's Living with the Passive Aggressive Man
- Douglas Besharov”s Recognizing Child Abuse: A Guide for the Concerned
- The best psychology sites with valuable information and links to hundreds of other sites on the World Wide Web are Psych Centralby Dr. John Grohol and Internet Mental Health.
Where to go for Support Services:
- 24 hour help-line (eg., 513-281-CARE; Talbert House Crisis Line)
- Transition House or Shelter (eg., contact Women Helping Women and/or the YWCA Women’s programs)
- Social Service Agency (eg., Hamilton County Department of Job and Family Services)
- Legal Aid Service
- Health professional (eg., nurse, physician, psychologist, social worker, etc.)
- Community Mental Health Center (eg., in Hamilton County, contact MHAP, Mental Health Access Point, 513-558-8888)
- University/College based counseling center (eg., UC Psychological Services Center, 513-556-0648)
- Pastoral/Spiritual Counseling Services
- Police
