Beware the AI throuple: Is technology manipulating you or your relationship?

Would you date someone who controlled what you see?

By Diana Lara Email Diana M

14 minute read October 19, 2026

You'd call it a red flag in a relationship if your partner decided what you can and cannot see. So why is it acceptable when AI does it?

What are we not seeing? Photo/Unsplash

Imagine you're involved with someone who knows exactly what captures your attention. They know what makes you laugh, what makes you angry and which topics you like to talk about. They've been paying attention. They've learned what keeps you engaged.

Now imagine them using what they've learned about you to decide what information you can see, which videos you watch and which ideas actually reach you. They don't necessarily lie to you. They just control the menu, deciding which options make it onto your plate. They quietly shape the information environment in which you form opinions and perceptions of reality.

Would you date that person? You'd probably consider them controlling, maybe manipulative.

So, here's the uncomfortable question: Why do we accept something similar from the technology we use every day?

The algorithm is paying attention

Technology, Bold
People at work in the Emergency Operations Center, stylized to illustrate cyber security for a UC Magazine feature on the Cyber Range.

Watching your online activity and deciding what you see. Photo/UC Marketing + Brand

This isn't an argument against algorithms or artificial intelligence.

AI isn't the enemy. Most of us know that social media platforms use algorithms and increasingly incorporate AI. Digital literacy goes beyond knowing how to use technology; it means understanding how these technologies use your choices to personalize what you see, influence what you think about and ultimately shape many of the choices you make.

Algorithms and AI aren't the same thing, but the less we know about how they work and shape our digital environment, the easier we are to influence. The more we understand them, the more control we have over our own choices. Digital literacy, therefore, requires us to question whether the information is true, how and why it was selected for you, and what you might be missing.

An algorithm is essentially a set of instructions that helps a platform decide what to show you. Recommendation systems use signals from your behavior and what you watch, like, follow, skip and share to predict what you might want to see next.

When you stop on a video, the system notices. If you watch it twice or share it with a friend, the system notices that, too. Over time, those small decisions help create a digital environment tailored to you.

That's why your feed can feel like it was made specifically for your views and interests. In a sense, it was. Your feed isn't a neutral window into the world. It is a room designed around your interests, habits and behavior. But what happens when the room keeps getting smaller and you start mistaking it for reality?

How algorithms shape us

Cassidy Ellis, PhD. Assistant Professor of Education, UC School of Communication, Film & Media Studies. Photo/Provided

In the School of Communication, Film and Media Studies at the University of Cincinnati, assistant professor of education Cassidy Ellis, PhD, is a critical cultural communication scholar who studies gender, media, and cultural rhetoric. She asks her COMM 4029 students to think beyond themselves, information and communication technologies (ICTs), and their personal experiences.

"Technology is evolving in ways many couldn’t have forecasted a generation ago. Concerns about ICT development help us understand that today's questions about humanity, how we preserve it, and how technology shapes our ability to connect across time and space have been with us since the earliest inventions," says Ellis. "But today’s advancements, alongside our uniquely fragmented and highly partisan media ecosystems, require a specific set of skills to consume media content mindfully, critically, and with intention."

Those questions become particularly relevant as one looks more closely at algorithms, AI and the increasingly personalized digital environments we all navigate. And that matters because the information we encounter doesn't just fill our feeds. It can shape what we consider to be important, what feels normal and ultimately, what we believe is true.

Ellis designed her course to encourage students to examine these questions critically and intentionally.

Five ways algorithms and AI get too personal

Adobe stock image of eyes peering through an opening.

Can AI ruin your relationship? Yes, according to a recent study. Illustration/Adobe Cloud

1. Is ChatGPT breaking up relationships?

You can find dozens of search results like this one about how AI has broken up relationships: ‘Advice’ From Artificial Intelligence Bots Is Wrecking Marriages.

While algorithms help determine what content gets surfaced to you, AI companions like Replika, Character.ai, Nomi and Kindroid are something you interact with directly. They can become companion-like when someone uses them repeatedly for emotional support, personal advice or relationship-like interaction.

A research paper titled “The Arc of Artificial Romance” studied 16 emerging adults aged 18 to 25 who had formed romantic relationships with AI companions. Participants described meaningful benefits including improved well-being, social skills and confidence about what they wanted from future human relationships. But some also described becoming deeply attached and less interested in pursuing relationships with people.

The study is small and should not be treated as a portrait of all young adults, but it does reveal something important: The more personalized an interaction becomes, the easier it can be to experience technology as a relationship rather than a tool.

Experts recommend talking with someone you trust or a professional instead of turning to AI-powered systems for advice after an argument with a partner or family member. These tools are designed to converse with you, remember details and respond when you need suggestions. They are always available to you when you need them. They're complimentary and validating, but not subjective. When they take on the role of a confidant or romantic partner, they can impact your relationship.

These technologies increasingly exist within connected digital ecosystems, enabling AI companions that are becoming personal enough to complicate our understanding of what technology can mean to us emotionally.

2. Is your dating app blocking other options?

Millions of articles, videos, opinions, conversations and perspectives may be available online on any given topic.

But you see only hundreds because algorithms act as a recommendation system that helps determine which ones make it into your personal information environment.

To keep it simple, we'll use a dating app analogy.

We've all heard there are “plenty of fish in the sea.” But what happens if someone else decides which fish you get to see? They watch when you swipe right or left. They notice which ones you approach and which ones you keep coming back to. Then they put a handful in front of you. The sea is enormous. But your feed is only the handful of choices placed before you.

Do you ever wonder why the pool of choices in your app doesn't seem to change much, even if you select the "show other people if I run out" option? The question isn't whether those options are automatically good or bad. It goes beyond just your preferences. You can tell the dating app what you're looking for, but the app still gets to decide who is surfaced.

In other words, your perfect catch could be the one your algorithm never shows you.

3. He left me for 'Her'

AI companions are emerging as new affair partners.

We've actually seen this idea before, albeit on screen. In the movie “Her,” a man falls in love with Samantha, an AI operating system that learns from him, adapts to him and becomes increasingly intertwined with his life. What felt like science fiction when the movie was released in 2013 is worth looking at differently today. What happens when technology doesn't just know what you like, but learns how to respond to you?

An AI companion can remember what you tell it. It can respond immediately. It can adapt its tone. It can make you feel heard and validated. It can also make the technology more influential and, in some cases, addictive.

AI and algorithms gather data from various sources. But where does it live, and for how long? Photo/Adobe stock image.

4. What am I not seeing?

Imagine an employee who stays late at the office several nights a week.

Security cameras show her returning after hours, eating dinner and using a company computer late at night. Her employer doesn't know why. The behavior looks suspicious. Others share her employer's suspicion and assume something nefarious is happening, so they plan to fire her.

That's when they learn the missing context: She has an abusive husband and doesn't feel safe going home until he's asleep.

Suddenly, what they saw means something completely different because of what they didn't see.

The facts didn't change; the missing context did.

That's an important lesson for life in an algorithm-driven world. What we see may be accurate, but it may not be the whole story. An algorithm doesn't necessarily have to give you false information to influence you. It can simply decide which information gets placed in front of you and which doesn't.

So instead of asking only, " Is this true?”

We should also ask, “What am I not seeing?”

5. Who furnished your digital room?

The algorithm feeds the room. You start believing the room is the world.

This is where Amara's law offers a useful warning. We tend to overestimate technology's short-term effects and underestimate its long-term impacts.

One video becomes 10
One recommendation becomes a pattern
One conversation with AI becomes a habit

Over time, repeated interactions can shape what we notice, what we seek out and what feels familiar. Amara’s law shifts the question from, “What is this technology doing to me right now?” to, “What kind of media environment could these repeated interactions create over time?” It’s about who is furnishing your room. Technology doesn't have to control every decision, but it can influence the environment in which we make them.

Tips to take your power back

Make yourself harder to manipulate. Photo/iStock photo.

You don't have to break up with AI.

The answer isn't to delete every social media app or throw your phone into the Ohio River.

Technology can be incredibly useful. Algorithms can help us discover music, find communities and navigate an overwhelming amount of information. AI can help us research, brainstorm, learn and solve problems. The goal isn't to reject technology. It's to stay in the driver's seat and become harder to manipulate.

This requires digital literacy. To learn more, you can download the following PDF: From Skilled Users to Critical Citizens? Imagining and future-making as part of digital citizenship.

Pair your sources

If something on TikTok or Instagram captures your attention, don't let that post become your entire understanding of the issue. Find another credible source.

Seek perspectives you don't automatically agree with. The point is to know what other opinions and perspectives exist.

Responsible digital citizenship

Verify before you amplify. Before sharing something because it makes you angry, excited or shocked, pause. Or stop.

In “Digital Communication in the Age of Immediacy” (2024), the authors argue that the digital ecosystem delivers information with unprecedented speed, but often without the context users need to fully understand or evaluate it.

When a post or an AI-generated answer appears in front of you, ask: Can I verify it? Is it appearing because it's important? Because it's credible? Because it represents another perspective? Or because the system has learned that I'll stop scrolling when I see it?

Those are very different reasons.

Responsible digital citizenship means asking:

Why am I seeing this story?
What information am I not seeing?
Would I have encountered this without the algorithm recommending it?
What happens when I repeatedly click “like” or share similar content?
Have I checked this information against other credible sources?

These questions matter even more as AI becomes capable of generating, summarizing and reshaping information, and as AI companions become capable of creating interactions that feel increasingly personal.

Look beyond the feed

You have access to a world of information if you look beyond your feed. Image/Adobe Stock photo

It's nearly impossible to escape algorithms altogether. But you can become more conscious through active news-seeking and strengthen control over your information consumption.

Maybe the solution is to make it harder for the algorithm to make our world feel smaller than it really is. We don't have to distrust everything technology gives us. We do have to remember that technology has a built-in point of view. The most important skill may be learning to recognize when technology is influencing us and, occasionally, to step outside the room the algorithm built for you.

Just because technology knows you doesn't necessarily mean it knows what's best for you. That's for you to decide.

Cover image photo/istock photo.

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Beware the AI throuple: Is technology manipulating you or your relationship?